Sooo bored sitting outside Yunkai!! NO idea what you’re supposed to do after you capture a city, hahaha. I went crowd surfing on slaves for a few days but that gets OLD, lol trust me.
Anyway back before I killed her, as I will kill all who come between me and my throne, Doreah and I used to play this game called “KILL OR SPARE?” where she would name a great house and then I would say whether I would kill them or not, and she would listen silently.
Since I’ve got, like, NOTHING to do, I thought I could play the game here, so you guys know whether im going to burn you and your family with my dragons or not. LOL DON’T WORRY, it turns out there are other cities with slaves, so im going to free them before I even think about coming back to westeros and killing you. (BTW if you don’t know what house you are in check your shield, it should have a symbol on it!! Thx!!)
Ready?? Okay!!!! Here we go!!!
KILL OR SPARE:
House Baratheon: LOL OMG!!! HAHAHA OBV KILL
House Stark: House Stark is okay but kinda boring, haha. They didn’t directly kill my dad or brother or anything but they helped so KILL for sure. Sorry!
House Tully: Hmmmm don’t really know much about House Tully. Think they helped kill my dad though so probs kill. Plus their symbol is a fish so KINDA doing them a favor if you think about it lol.
House Greyjoy: LOOOOVE House Greyjoy because THEY TAKE WHAT IS THEIRS!!! Hahaha, biiiig problem though, the stuff they think is theirs is actually mine! Totes kill.
House Tyrell: They’re okay I guess, haha. Could go either way, but they have nice dresses sometimes so I’d at least try not to burn them.
House Lannister: OMG these guys don’t even have a chance. Like at all. It’s like “hey dany, we killed your dad and your brother’s kids, can you not burn us with your dragons?” LOL!!! What am I going to say?? “Sure, you guys can live! Let’s join forces!” Hahahaha. No! KILL.
House Martell: Honestly Martell is actually a pretty cool house. One of them married my cool brother and they’re just basically fun guys to have around. SPARE.
House Arryn: LOL I have NOOOOO idea who these guys are!!! Hahahaha! Kill I guess.
(If I didn’t mention your house, it’s probably a kill. LOL, there are so many houses, you guys don’t even know. Ugh!)
Sorry I haven’t been writing much but I’ve been trying to conquer this city and its been taking FOREVER haha like not kidding I’ve been sitting out here for weeks but its okay you guys because listen to this I MET A BOY! I think he likes me because the other day I was taking a bath and he snuck in and at first its like ‘oh no this guy’s going to kill me! WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS and why didn’t they burn him?’ but then he gave me the heads of these guys who were mean to me and I guess were going to try to kill me, so I let him see my boobs for like 8 seconds. I KNOW you guys but he’s super cute you don’t even know. He seemed into it but not, like, too into it, you know? So that’s a good sign. Lol I don’t even want to think what would’ve happened if ser jorah walked in on me in the bath, uuuughgh lolol.
Then a few days later all my soldiers were busy standing on rocks so Daario said (that’s the name of the boy, Daario…haha Dany why do you always go for guys whose name starts with D WEIRD lol!) that he could go in with ser jorah and grey worm and capture the city, and then ser jorah said something, who knows what, and Daario was all ‘I have no interest in slaves. A man cannot make love to property.’ OMG you guys!!!! That’s like EXACTLY how I feel about slavery! I’m against it!! Its like the universe is trying to tell me something, maybe? I don’t know lol. But things are serious right now with the dragons and the armies and ser jorah being all blah blah blah and my husband just died not too long ago so DON’T WORRY I’m taking it slow and if this guy ever comes between me and my throne no amount of charm will keep his head attached to his shoulders, lol
Anyway we did take over the city with just 3 guys so kinda regretting the giant army, but plus side (fingers crossed) I’ll have more time to write now since I’m not always looking at maps lol, but you guys I have to keep telling myself that I’m in a big war to take over the world and end slavery cause otherwise id totes waste even MORE time online, uggggggh FOCUS DANY hahaha!
Had a meeting with this guy from another lame harpy city today so I could threaten to murder him if he didn’t surrender all his slaves, lol. Im all about freeing slaves now and my friends that aren’t dead are always making fun of me, like “Dany did you just see Lincoln or something?” but I’ll be honest with you guys I tried to watch it and I could NOT get through it! Everybody just talks! Uggghgh! Haha but since I was going to meet with this guy Ser Jorah and the other old guy were both all “You should have a couch to look more intimidating.”
And its like “hey guys, maybe think of that BEFORE we set up the tent and then make the big path out of eunuch super soldiers” right??? I mean who even knows where to get a couch around here? But then Ser not Jorah was like “I think I saw a couch somebody left out by the road on the way” and im like “seriously? That thing looked raaaaaaaaaaaaaaank” lol (When I said rank I did a high funny voice that was awesome but I don’t know how to type it).
But then like even before I finish talking Ser Jorah’s already off getting the couch, like “it will be my honor khaleesi” and like literally twenty minutes later he comes dragging this thing back up the hill. Lol I think with some guys you just gotta let them do stuff for you. And its not a light couch either so now when I go to burn other cities somebody’s gotta be dragging this thing around, and I mean obv one of the super soldiers can do it, but it’s just, like, one more thing, you know?
Anyway I did finally meet with the guy and threaten to kill his entire city with dragons and I used the couch, so not a total loss I GUESS haha but it smells TERRIBLE
see everybody laughed but this is EXACTLY why I was always complaining when my dragons were missing and asking where they were lol!
(Source: tyrion-lannister, via wicnet)
Okay youre probably thinking languages are boring! I did too. Plus Valyrian is hard, so back when I was learning it with my lame brother I was always like ‘I want to go outside’ jk actually I never stood up to my lame brother back then because I was scared of him which was stupid because have you seen that guy? Hahaha he’s dead now.
But anyway the point is sometimes it helps to know another language even if it is super boring because then when you go to places where they speak it you can pretend like you don’t speak it and find out what they really think of you! right? so like if a guy keeps calling you a whore you can just stand there pretending like you don’t know hahaha! In Astapor this bald guy kept calling me a whore but then after he gave me a giant army I was like “lol! I knew what you were saying the whole time!!!” and then I said “dracarys” with a funny accent and burned him with my dragon for being mean to me!! LOLOLOL!! JK!!!
I would have burned him even if he were the kindest man in Essos.
I will have my army.
Haha im not really on a boat anymore but I couldn’t resist, lol. “never thought id be on a boat” hahaha Even though im not on a boat im not in Qarth anymore either which is pretty awesome, instead im in some other weird city that’s not really any closer to home but you guys listen I have a HUGE problem right now.
Like I keep telling everyone, my RIGHTFUL THRONE WAS USURPED BY ROBERT BARATHEON AND I INTEND TO RIP IT BACK FROM HIS SQUABBLING HEIRS, WITH FIRE AND BLOOD IF I HAVE TO!!! lol, like I say it so much people are probably like ‘shut up dany!’ haha, but it’s true. Anyway there’s this guy here who speaks some other language and wants to sell me a bunch of slaves, which would be good because my last army all died in the desert—lol, I suck at directions! And I know the guys in westeros have armies, so, it’s like, kinda need to get on that! haha. Plus these guys will listen to anything you tell them so like if I told one of them to make out with me he’d probably do it, jkjkjk!!! Hahahha OMG I did not just type that!!!!!!
But here’s the thing. Slavery is WRONG you guys. BY WHAT RIGHT COULD I CALL MYSELF LAWFUL QUEEN OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS IF I TOOK MY THRONE ON THE BACKS OF SLAVES? Lol it’d be like if it turned out JT still used slaves to make his songs now like those slaves he had in the 90s who sang with him, hahaha, soooo lame, nobody would dl the songs, right?? Same thing here.
Ugghh, I don’t know what to do!!
Ewwwwwwww, how did somebody know i have a fear of creepy kids and giant green scorpion monsters??? if I find who did it i will seriously burn them with my dragons, lol!
Went to get my dragons back today, uggh!!! I thought it would be one of those things where I just point them out, which is easy cause theyre the only dragons in the world, and maybe sign something to confirm I got them back ok but instead I had to go through this whole big thing.
Turns out there’s magic stuff inside wizard towers…hahaha, duh Dany, lol! But I was expecting like Dumbledore type wizards with hats and that whole thing and maybe sparkly type magic but instead it was all these illusions and stuff but don’t worry I knew it was fake. For one of them I was in the same room as that dream I had the other night, but it was snowing, which is actually kinda refreshing when you’re in Qarth, lol!
Then the other illusion was I saw Drogo again! OMG you guys sooooooo sad. I knew it wasn’t really him though, different eyeshadow. I know my eye makeup, haha! Also he had a baby which clued me in because HELLO, that witch woman killed our baby, lol. And I was like “IT IS NOT YOUR SCREAMS I WANT, JUST YOUR LIFE!” hahaha, sometimes you say something without planning it and it just comes out awesome, lol.
Anyway I got through the illusions or whatever and then that weird bald wizard guy was like “Now you can be with your children forever! you’re captured!” but then I was like “I have dragons” (the dragons were in the room with me, the wizards wanted to capture us both for reasons) and remember how I say ‘dracarys’ and the dragons burn stuff? Well I said ‘dracarys!” and the DRAGONS BURNED THE WIZARD, hahaha. He kind of deserved it, lol, jk, that’s so mean! But dragons breathe fire so what did he expect, lol!
I didn’t think of anything awesome to say when the wizard burned like I did the witch though, but if I was there again when he said “Now you can be with your children forever!” I would say “AND NOW YOU CAN BE ON FIRE FOREVER!!” OMG that’s awful, lol, but I should have said something about fire for SURE.
So now I have my dragons, but I forgot that means I have to carry around dragons, lol. LEARN TO FLY YOU GUYS!!! UGGHHH.
Okay I know sometimes when I’m like ‘why don’t we just get rid of all the wizards?’ people freak out but the thing is, first of all, I say what’s on my mind and if you don’t want that you’re in the wrong place, lolol! And second that CREEPY WIZARD GUY TOOK MY DRAGONS!!
Let me lay it down, lol. I went to this meeting with all the rich guys in Qarth to ask about my dragons (hey you never know, right?) and then the wizard turned into a bunch of guys and killed the other guys. At this point I’m thinking ‘something’s not right here!’ hahaha! And then the wizard said he took my dragons. The thing is, if he was just going to take them and then tell me he took them, ummm, I’m not sure I’m seeing the point, right?
The worst part was all this was going on and I couldn’t even do anything because I’d just bought this new crimping iron and it works really well but you have to stay still for a while or else the crimps won’t set…hahaha, kind of a ripoff I guess. So really if anyone knows of where to get a better crimping iron that would be step 1 here, lol. It is unseemly for the mother of dragons to appear in a public setting without properly crimped hair.
So anyways now they want me to go claim my dragons at the wizard place or whatever and you just KNOW that’s going to be weird and I’m kinda like ‘can we just not?’ I mean this place has a wizard guy and a bunch of perfumed guys and that creepy Zorro Zon guy who’s always trying to get me to marry him and THERE’S A WOMAN WHO WEARS A CHECKERS BOARD on her face and NOBODY EVEN SAYS ANYTHING!!! It’s just like, there’s a limit, you know?