Had a meeting with this guy from another lame harpy city today so I could threaten to murder him if he didn’t surrender all his slaves, lol.  Im all about freeing slaves now and my friends that aren’t dead are always making fun of me, like “Dany did you just see Lincoln or something?” but I’ll be honest with you guys I tried to watch it and I could NOT get through it!  Everybody just talks!  Uggghgh! Haha but since I was going to meet with this guy Ser Jorah and the other old guy were both all “You should have a couch to look more intimidating.” 

And its like “hey guys, maybe think of that BEFORE we set up the tent and then make the big path out of eunuch super soldiers” right???  I mean who even knows where to get a couch around here?  But then Ser not Jorah was like “I think I saw a couch somebody left out by the road on the way” and im like “seriously?  That thing looked raaaaaaaaaaaaaaank” lol (When I said rank I did a high funny voice that was awesome but I don’t know how to type it).

But then like even before I finish talking Ser Jorah’s already off getting the couch, like “it will be my honor khaleesi” and like literally twenty minutes later he comes dragging this thing back up the hill.  Lol I think with some guys you just gotta let them do stuff for you.  And its not a light couch either so now when I go to burn other cities somebody’s gotta be dragging this thing around, and I mean obv one of the super soldiers can do it, but it’s just, like, one more thing, you know?

Anyway I did finally meet with the guy and threaten to kill his entire city with dragons and I used the couch, so not a total loss I GUESS haha but it smells TERRIBLE

Okay youre probably thinking languages are boring!  I did too.  Plus Valyrian is hard, so back when I was learning it with my lame brother I was always like ‘I want to go outside’  jk actually I never stood up to my lame brother back then because I was scared of him which was stupid because have you seen that guy?  Hahaha he’s dead now.

But anyway the point is sometimes it helps to know another language even if it is super boring because then when you go to places where they speak it you can pretend like you don’t speak it and find out what they really think of you!  right?  so like if a guy keeps calling you a whore you can just stand there pretending like you don’t know hahaha!  In Astapor this bald guy kept calling me a whore but then after he gave me a giant army I was like “lol!  I knew what you were saying the whole time!!!” and then I said “dracarys” with a funny accent and burned him with my dragon for being mean to me!!  LOLOLOL!!  JK!!!

I would have burned him even if he were the kindest man in Essos.

I will have my army.

Haha im not really on a boat anymore but I couldn’t resist, lol.  “never thought id be on a boat” hahaha  Even though im not on a boat im not in Qarth anymore either which is pretty awesome, instead im in some other weird city that’s not really any closer to home but you guys listen I have a HUGE problem right now.

Like I keep telling everyone, my RIGHTFUL THRONE WAS USURPED BY ROBERT BARATHEON AND I INTEND TO RIP IT BACK FROM HIS SQUABBLING HEIRS, WITH FIRE AND BLOOD IF I HAVE TO!!!  lol, like I say it so much people are probably like ‘shut up dany!’ haha, but it’s true.  Anyway there’s this guy here who speaks some other language and wants to sell me a bunch of slaves, which would be good because my last army all died in the desert—lol, I suck at directions!  And I know the guys in westeros have armies, so, it’s like, kinda need to get on that! haha.  Plus these guys will listen to anything you tell them so like if I told one of them to make out with me he’d probably do it, jkjkjk!!! Hahahha OMG I did not just type that!!!!!! 

But here’s the thing.  Slavery is WRONG you guys.  BY WHAT RIGHT COULD I CALL MYSELF LAWFUL QUEEN OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS IF I TOOK MY THRONE ON THE BACKS OF SLAVES?  Lol it’d be like if it turned out JT still used slaves to make his songs now like those slaves he had in the 90s who sang with him, hahaha, soooo lame, nobody would dl the songs, right??  Same thing here. 

Ugghh, I don’t know what to do!!          

Went to get my dragons back today, uggh!!!  I thought it would be one of those things where I just point them out, which is easy cause theyre the only dragons in the world, and maybe sign something to confirm I got them back ok but instead I had to go through this whole big thing. 

Turns out there’s magic stuff inside wizard towers…hahaha, duh Dany, lol!  But I was expecting like Dumbledore type wizards with hats and that whole thing and maybe sparkly type magic but instead it was all these illusions and stuff but don’t worry I knew it was fake.  For one of them I was in the same room as that dream I had the other night, but it was snowing, which is actually kinda refreshing when you’re in Qarth, lol! 

Then the other illusion was I saw Drogo again!  OMG you guys sooooooo sad.  I knew it wasn’t really him though, different eyeshadow.  I know my eye makeup, haha!  Also he had a baby which clued me in because HELLO, that witch woman killed our baby, lol.  And I was like “IT IS NOT YOUR SCREAMS I WANT, JUST YOUR LIFE!”  hahaha, sometimes you say something without planning it and it just comes out awesome, lol. 

Anyway I got through the illusions or whatever and then that weird bald wizard guy was like “Now you can be with your children forever!  you’re captured!” but then I was like “I have dragons” (the dragons were in the room with me, the wizards wanted to capture us both for reasons) and remember how I say ‘dracarys’ and the dragons burn stuff?  Well I said ‘dracarys!” and the DRAGONS BURNED THE WIZARD, hahaha.  He kind of deserved it, lol, jk, that’s so mean!  But dragons breathe fire so what did he expect, lol!    

I didn’t think of anything awesome to say when the wizard burned like I did the witch though, but if I was there again when he said “Now you can be with your children forever!” I would say “AND NOW YOU CAN BE ON FIRE FOREVER!!”  OMG that’s awful, lol, but I should have said something about fire for SURE. 

So now I have my dragons, but I forgot that means I have to carry around dragons, lol.  LEARN TO FLY YOU GUYS!!! UGGHHH.         

Okay I know sometimes when I’m like ‘why don’t we just get rid of all the wizards?’ people freak out but the thing is, first of all, I say what’s on my mind and if you don’t want that you’re in the wrong place, lolol! And second that CREEPY WIZARD GUY TOOK MY DRAGONS!! 

Let me lay it down, lol.  I went to this meeting with all the rich guys in Qarth to ask about my dragons (hey you never know, right?) and then the wizard turned into a bunch of guys and killed the other guys.  At this point I’m thinking ‘something’s not right here!’ hahaha!  And then the wizard said he took my dragons.  The thing is, if he was just going to take them and then tell me he took them,  ummm, I’m not sure I’m seeing the point, right? 

The worst part was all this was going on and I couldn’t even do anything because I’d just bought this new crimping iron and it works really well but you have to stay still for a while or else the crimps won’t set…hahaha, kind of a ripoff I guess.  So really if anyone knows of where to get a better crimping iron that would be step 1 here, lol.  It is unseemly for the mother of dragons to appear in a public setting without properly crimped hair. 

So anyways now they want me to go claim my dragons at the wizard place or whatever and you just KNOW that’s going to be weird and I’m kinda like ‘can we just not?’  I mean this place has a wizard guy and a bunch of perfumed guys and that creepy Zorro Zon guy who’s always trying to get me to marry him and THERE’S A WOMAN WHO WEARS A CHECKERS BOARD on her face and NOBODY EVEN SAYS ANYTHING!!!  It’s just like, there’s a limit, you know?

Last night I had a dream.  I awoke in a bed in a room I had never seen, yet there was something about the sheets, about the patterns of the stones of the walls that felt at once familiar, at once comforting.  Standing I found myself drawn, pulled even, to the door, down the stairs, into a great hall.  From the stories my brother told me I knew at once that this was the Red Keep, the ancestral home of my father and his father and his father back through the centuries.  The home I had long imagined but never seen now stood before me in splendor. 

“Come sister,” said my brother, reaching out his hand for mine.  Only it was not my brother, not as I had known him.  In life his face was cruel and twisted, made ugly with a poisonous mixture of pride and fear and fury.  All that now was washed away, revealing a face I thought I had forgotten, the face of the boy who had protected me, who had told me stories of my home, the boy who taught me that I was Daenerys of House Targaryen, blood of the dragon. 

I took his hand then.  How could I not?  He led me up the stairs and there at the top stood my mother, arms outstretched, tears in her eyes.  As I ran to her and collapsed in her arms, felt the warmth of her touch on my skin for the first time, I became aware of other faces and found to my surprise that I knew them all, knew them all by sight though I had never met them.  There was Elia of Dorne, radiant as the stars with her newborn child in her arms, smiling at me.  There was my father, old and white and wise.  There was no trace of madness in his eyes, only love and compassion and joy that his daughter had returned to him.  And there was Rhaegar, my brother, more beautiful even than I dared picture in my waking life, his hair silver—not the silver of a carafe or a blade or even a looking glass but rather the silver of sunlight upon the water.  He shone as he smiled down upon me and I felt his hand grip my shoulder.  “Welcome home sister,” he said, his voice both soft and strong. 

And I fell back into his arms.  And I wept.  And I was home.

Then i woke up and i was STILL in Qarth but I thought at first “hey at least I have my dragons” and then i woke up a little more and I remembered that MY DRAGONS ARE MISSING!!!!  UGGHH!!!!  At that point you’re just like “back to bed!” lol!!